Thoughts from a redundant puzzle piece in this thing called life...

 I don't know why I still exist on this plane of existence. I am redundant.  I am in my 50's now, without children, and having no one who needs me.  I have a sister, a step-brother (well... I call him brother.. though his mother passed long ago - but he's still in my life so ..yeah..), a niece and a nephew and my father.  My mother left this plane of existence on March 23, 2021 and it completely changed me as a person.  I was her caregiver. I took good care of her (despite the fact we argued a lot, as - I suppose - people do when living together and when being cared for).

I used to be able to keep control of my emotions to the point my mother had fondly, and teasingly, nicknamed me "The Ice Queen" because I never showed emotions (well sad ones anyhow).  We would watch movies that had my sister and mother shedding a tear, while I would sit and watch it without welling up.  Since I lost my mother, however, I am no longer that "Ice Queen".  The ice has melted away.  I am now the kind of person who will watch an Instagram Reels video of a foster mother cat winning over a formerly abused wee kitten and have tears streaming down my face.  I will listen to stories of loss, and find myself fighting back tears. 

I am currently finding myself connecting with a couple of co-workers due to a situation they are going through right now with the health of one of their loved ones.  They (the mother more, I believe) find themselves in a caregiver capacity now, and are dealing with the impending loss of their loved one, and I can relate to how they are feeling.  I am probably the only one at work who can, I believe, and so I find myself connecting with them.  My heart breaks for them.   On the day that would have been my mother's 75th birthday, I came in to work and my manager had commented on it being my mother's birthday. I suppose she had seen my Instagram post where I had posted the Happy Heavenly Birthday mom post, and remarked about how much I miss her.  E came up to me and said "I know you still have your bag and stuff (I had just walked in to work and was carrying the bag I use in the winter to hold my jacket, shoes, etc and had my jacket and stuff on still) but I just have to do this."   She came up to me and gave me a big hug. Her eyes teared up as she rubbed my back.

I thanked her for the hug, and told them that my mother's birthday doesn't really affect me now.  It's almost the fourth anniversary of her passing.  A "massive cardiac event" (I believe that was how they categorized it - heart attack in layman's terms) had taken her from my life, and this plane of existence, on March 23, 2021.   E is facing the upcoming death of her loved one, who has been diagnosed with ALS and Dementia (ALS being the "winner" in the fatality scale).  I've connected with her and her mother D in a way I didn't know was possible.  I know how it is to lose someone close to you - a parent, a family member, someone you cared for.  I wasn't ready to lose mom. I hadn't expected it. It was sudden.  They, however, have to watch their loved one slowly diminish and whither away before eventually passing.  I think that's absolutely excruciating. Life, or maybe Fate, can be horribly cruel sometimes.

[ - Warning - Personal Political and General Opinions Incoming ]
 -- I believe that everyone has a right to their personal opinion of who they feel is right for office, and their right to vote in any way that they wish. This is the very point of democracy - to be able to vote for whomever we feel is the correct person. I feel that everyone should be respected because of that - regardless of who they cast their vote for.  We may not agree with one another; but we can, and will, be respectful of each other.  So keep that in mind, should you happen to be reading my journal.  If you disagree with me, that's fine, but be respectful. -- 

In November of 2024, the United States elected a twice impeached, 34-time convicted felon back into the White House. Before he even took office, he started making changes to tip things in his scale.  He padded the government with those who backed him and, basically, kissed his behind.  He stated he would make tariffs against Canada and Mexico. He vied to have The Gulf of Mexico changed to "The Gulf of America" (which Google has done on some American platforms).  He started taking rights away from people - women, people of colour, immigrants, etc.   He entered office and immediately wrote executive orders to have those things done.  He removed all DEI [Diversity, Equity, Inclusion] stuff from governmental offices.  Now, full disclosure, I don't agree with people having positions of office, or jobs of any kind, simply because they are people of colour or diversity. I believe the thing people are missing is that the more of these "groups" there are, the more "sides" there are, the less things because EQUAL and the move they become DEVIDED.  Black History Month, Gay Pride Month, flying a flag of this or that just positions that group ahead of others.  It should be ALL INCLUSIVE under one banner - America or Canada or whatever Nation of the People.  So I agree that being done with hiring on the DEI branch is a bad idea, but I do not agree with people already in said positions being let go because the DEI is gone.  That's just wrong.

I don't agree with immigrants being deported simply because they don't have their citizenship yet - specifically the people who were brought with their immigrant parents as babies and raised to believe they were American without realizing they did not have their citizenship, or those who are in the midst of getting their citizenship. Those trying to remain illegally - not seeking citizenship, not following the legal channels to belong - yes, they should be deported - but it is a very slippery slope.

I don't agree with the "woke society" that believes everyone must be accepted of whatever they say "because".  I cannot get behind the acceptance of people who claim to identify as animals (cats, dogs) because that is not scientific. I CAN get behind the people identifying as a certain sexual identity (male, female) because it IS scientifically proven.  I can even accept the non-binary identification (though admittedly the "they/them" pronouns throw me a bit because I am in my 50s and this is all new to me).  At the end of the day though, it all boils down to RESPECT.   If said person is being kind to me and being respectful to me, I will do the same in kind.  If  I am dealing with someone who looks to be female to me, I may refer to that person as "she" but if they kindly state that they are not a "she" but rather identify as "they" I will do my best to refer to them in that manner.  [Though I suppose I am being rather hypocritical because if someone came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Luna, and I identify as a cat" I won't be so willing to accept that this person thinks they are a feline.  Although, I would not be rude to them.  I would say "Hi Luna, nice to meet you." and move on - avoiding anything where I would have to go into the feline category.  I don't agree with placing litter boxes down for said people either, because, I am sorry, they are NOT felines.]

All right, moving on... When the Felon of the United States (FOTUS) took over the Oval Office, he dictated to Canada that he would slap 25% Tariffs on all goods coming into and going out of the United States, it freaked me out.  Then, he continued to run his delusional mouth off by stating he was going to "make Canada the 51st State".   This made me angry.  Canada is its own country.  It is NOT FOR SALE!  He told Canada he would hold off on the tariffs if they would do certain things - get stricter at the border, stop the run of Fentanyl getting into the USA (which was about 0.2%)  [Source: CNN and a Google Search: Federal statistics show US border authorities seized 21,889 pounds of fentanyl in the 2024 fiscal year. Of that amount, 43 pounds were seized at the Canadian border — about 0.2% — compared with 21,148 pounds at the Mexican border, about 96.6%.Feb 3, 2025] 

Canada added more security measures at the US/Canada border to help with this "Fentanyl crisis".   The FOTUS decided to go ahead and slap tariffs on Steel and Aluminum.  He still dictated more measures to be done with the situation for Canada.  Now - going into March - he is set to slap the 25% tariffs on ALL GOODS into the USA from Canada, despite the fact Canada bent over backwards to do what FOTUS demanded.

He has said that Ukraine is responsible for the War on Ukraine, despite the fact that RUSSIA is the one that invaded Ukraine 3 years ago.  He is buddy-buddy with Putin, and just loves Kim Jong Un (the Dictator of North Korea).  FOTUS wants to make USA into another dictatorship like those countries. He says he's going to "end the war in Ukraine" by giving Putin want he wants, without bothering to involve Ukraine at all!  This should be VERY disturbing for people; but sadly, FOTUS has a following in the US.  He is a cult leader. He is racist, disrespectful, and should never be trusted.

I worry about what the tariffs will do to my country.  My manager was saying one day on a shift that if the tariffs go through, the business I work in will greatly suffer.  I worry about what the world will look like when FOTUS is done in 4 years.  (He has only JUST started, being in office for only one month! (January 20, 2025 he was sworn into office. It is February 25, 2025 at the time of writing this)  I feel we are well and truly doomed.

I would love to find a way to do data entry, order taking, or customer service from the comfort of my home. It would have to pay me the around the same (more would be better) per hour that I am making now at my job, so that I could completely become a recluse. I left Facebook on December 31, 2024 because I was so tired of the way that platform was run.  I was swarmed with advertisements and the algorithm kept showing me older posts.   When I'd refresh and start to read the page, it would automatically refresh and show the older posts again, so I'd continue to miss posts by my friends.   Both my sister and I had our accounts spoofed on Facebook and Facebook would do nothing. So - angry and frustrated - I left.

I tried Bluesky before leaving Facebook because I heard it was great.  It was great at first. I felt welcomed with some of the responses I got to comments I made.  But then I started getting those pfishing posts - those posts by "military people of the USA" that tell you how beautiful you are, and all that other "hitting on you" trash.  So I deleted my Bluesky account. 

I gave Threads a try after a friend suggested that to me. At first I loved it. It was interactive and I enjoyed the content.  However, it soon showed its ugly side when I was bullied by Indigenous and their supporters.  I made a comment disagreeing with something (I was respectful, as I always try to be) and someone Indigenous, or their supporter (I cannot recall the exact exchange or the post that started it now) started to harass me.  I quickly deleted my Threads account.  I had the exact same thing happen over on Twitter, before it turned into X.  I was reading the feed and there was a post by my local radio station that asked what we were doing to celebrate Canada Day.  I commented I was going to wear my white and red T-shirt to celebrate my culture and heritage (I am Canadian, 6th generation in, and proud of my heritage). Some Indigenous person or their supporters (who were attempting to push for the cancelation of Canada Day) decided to harass me stating that I was the type of person who would cheer on the slaughter of Indigenous children.  Their supporters ganged up on me, calling me all sorts of names and harassing me.   All because I said I would wear red and white to celebrate Canada Day.  It turned me right off of Twitter; and sadly - of Indigenous people.  [Again, I will state that I am respectful to everyone that is respectful to me! I do not look at someone who is Indigenous and suddenly hate them. I do not agree with the Indigenous push towards Canada changing to give them everything, or demanding more money be handed to them. I feel that we, as a country, have done what we needed to in order to make some amends for discretions of the past; but it was the past and should stay there.  I do not believe that a child born in 2025 should gain the same benefits of the elders simply because they have Indigenous blood.  Canada is a country. Yes, it was settled on land that was previously resided on by Indigenous.  Yes, battles were fought - but every single country in the world is exactly the same.  Every bit of land that is a country today, was resided on and settled by travelers landing on land and setting up homes.  It is not a unique situation to Canada, and I am sick and tired of this "it's OUR land" crap that constantly surfaces.

The European settlers that came to this branch of land that is now called Canada brought with them their technologies and what have you that allowed the settlements to expand and become what we know as Canada.  The Indigenous travel upon the roads that were created (and everyone else pays taxes for to continue to maintain and expand upon them, which the Indigenous in Canada get to use for free as they live tax-free "because they are Indigenous").  They use the health care that was brought forth by the European settlers.  They enter the non-Indigenous hospitals, have tests done, stay in the hospitals, have care by the doctors and nurses - all while never putting into the system they are using.   And yet, they continue to complain and harp about everyone that is non-Indigenous.  That really strikes a nerve with me.  And yes, I'm sure that someone who happens to come past my journal will read this and instantly find hatred against me or call me racist - and, maybe I am being that way slightly (again - I will not treat anyone with disrespect that is respectful towards me).  Remember, this is MY PLACE to voice MY OPINIONS.  Your job is to be RESPECTFUL. If you find yourself hating me, then I implore you to walk away and take a beat to get your emotions under control. You may return if you wish to be respectful.  Do not come at me on my page. I will block, delete, report you and whatever else I can do to protect myself and my sanity.

I think I have rambled enough for the moment here.  If you stuck to the end and read this, and you're still around, thank you.  If you reached the end and found yourself angry with me, I'm sorry to have caused that emotional response in you today.  I hope you can find a way to let the anger go, and can have a good day all the same.  Take care, and be well readers.